I am twenty-two, to be turning twenty-three in exactly four months and 9 days.  When I was nineteen I remember thinking that pretty soon I would "arrive."  I would have developed my character, I would be the person I was meant to be, I would be fulfilling my purpose, my calling.  Yet sometime around that ripe old age of nineteen I realized that was probably never going to happen.  I would never arrive.  I would always be developing, always changing.  And sure, perhaps one day I would have a better handle, understanding of what the heck I was doing - but I would never reach some epiphanic state in life.

So since that time I have tried to settle into some sort of groove.  Part of that groove involves observing and developing my ideals - how I think the world should operate.  In my own humble opinion, I've done a pretty good job too.  I think people should give freely, they should not worry about money.  I think people should allow themselves to be taken advantage of (caveat being: there are limits, but the ideal is putting others before yourself).  It makes a statement to Jesus at any rate - when someone asks you for a dollar and you give them two.  (Matthew 5:41: If someone forces you to go one mile with them, go with him two).  These ideals are great, I think everyone should do them, but let me tell you what, their execution is a whole other story.  It's easy at first, but after a while it gets old.  Quietly paying for someone when they inaccurately split the bill isn't so bad the first time, in fact it's kind of fun.  But by the fifth time, it's annoying.  And when I wash dishes that aren't mine every morning it requires something of me.

But I guess that's the essence of an ideal - the contradiction of our flesh, and as a Christian, that's what I'm aspiring for.  I resolved to die to myself, to make myself nothing and consider others as better than myself.  How counter-culture, how ridiculous.  But then comes the next ideal, the one I can dream about and look forward to.   Rita Springer sings, "It's going to be worth it one day."  Yes it is!  When I stand before Jesus, it will have been worth it.  It brings meaning to the idea that this world is not my home, I am living for something else.

But you know what, I think it makes Jesus happy.  I no longer live but Christ lives in me (I am trying anyway).  What a great ideal, but man the execution...